Homeless and unemployed--yeah!! Plus Psalm 25

Well friends, I'm back on the blog after a long layoff. I can't promise that I will be posting on a daily basis as before until my life becomes more settled, but I will try my best to be more regular than every two weeks!

Here's the quick version of the update on the last couple of weeks since my last post. Last week I was holding out hope for a position that I became aware of after my last post. I went through three pretty intensive interviews for it, and it seemed like a good fit for me, but ultimately it fell through at the end of the week. It was a bummer, and it took quite a bit to rebound from that hit, but the Lord was faithful even in the depths of disappointment. I don't want to say that casually, so let me emphasize that for a moment. The Lord is faithful, especially in the depths of disappointment. I want to say that a hundred times in a hundred different ways. Let me give you just a few. He is faithful through His leading. He is faithful in His teaching. He is faithful in His gentle, loving, encouragement. He is faithful in discipline and chastening. He is faithful in deepening my walk with Him. He is faithful through His church. He is faithful in miraculous provision. He is faithful in normal ways. He is faithful in Fathering. He is faithful in His Word. He is faithful in joyous times and in sorrow. He is faithful prosperity and in lack. He is faithful in success and in disappointment. He is faithful. A thousand ways He is faithful.

When the disappointment hit last Thursday I went through my usual whirlwind of introspection and doubt. This is a dangerous and very tempting combination (see the Israelite children in the wilderness, Job's friends, Elijah in the cave [I Kings 19], Jonah, the disciples in John 9:1, etc.). Thankfully, a couple of things helped to point me back to our Great God before I had a chance to spiral too far into despair. First, the family of God was very helpful. Many people, both in Texas and in Oklahoma (and other places) have been repeatedly faithful to encourage me to look to the Lord. I say repeatedly faithful, not because they forget that they have already told me to look to the Lord, but because I need it over and over again. Within 2 hours of the time that I was notified that I didn't get the job, Cheryl e-mailed me a long and encouraging Scripture complete with underlined points that helped me to see the wonderful, kind hand of God, even in the valley of disappointment. Many others also gathered around to point me to the Lord and encourage me to rejoice in the faithful direction of the Lord (even closed doors are direction!).

Secondly, the Word has been very helpful (of course). I had a little trouble sleeping on Thursday night (always a troublesome sign for a person that is supposed to be completely trusting in the Lord). After some time tossing and turning and ruminating on my [light and momentary] troubles, I woke up and turned to the Word. For no particular reason I turned to Psalm 25, which will now be one of my all time favorite Psalms. It spoke deeply to me in the timeliness of my circumstances, and it specifically pointed me to my sinfulness, God's mercy, and His faithful hand.

At the risk of giving a very subjective interpretation let me just make a few guarded comments. First, it spoke to my circumstances and my sin. Verses 16-18 say, "16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. 17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. 18 Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins." (ESV) It seems as if this is the exact pattern that my heart follows. Affliction and trouble most often turn me inward. When this happens "the troubles of my heart are enlarged" and I become fixated on the problem. When that happens loneliness is not far behind. After all, when I am fixated on my own problems I have a very difficult time seeing how anyone in history could have possibly ever survived something this bad. Gloom, despair, and agony on me. It is a startling discovery sometimes to realize the many different manifestations of pride, in this case through despair. Thankfully, the Psalmist lead me out of that place by adopting the Lord's perspective in verse 18, "Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins."

Then, this Psalm encouraged me by pointing past my heart toward God's mercy and faithfulness. As one friend encouraged me, "Your hope is not in job opportunities. Your hope is in the Lord." It was so helpful to see how this truth rang out in this Psalm. The points that were especially helpful to me were the following:

1) God has a history of mercy and faithfulness - v. 6, "6Remember your mercy, O LORD, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old."

• This is not a reminder to God that He is faithful. This is a reminder to me that He is faithful. And His résumé goes way back. Like, way before me. The Psalmist is not saying, "Remember the time you helped me with a math test in sixth grade." He is saying that from the dawn of time, God has caused the sunrise and sunset with startling regularity. He has given us oxygen to breathe, and He has sustained life on this planet. With that same regularity He has exercised love and mercy with His people. He sent His Son according to His faithful plan to redeem His people from their sins.
• We know that God is faithful because He has a history of faithfulness.

2) My hope must squarely rest on God's attributes, not my own

• This is good news. I can't even be faithful for five minutes, let alone through the ages of time! But God on the other hand...
• He is the God of my salvation - v. 5
• He is merciful and loving - v. 6
• He is forgiving and good - v. 7
• He is upright (no sin or error in His ways) - v. 8
• He is the faithful teacher - vv. 9-10
• In contrast, I am the faithless, sinful transgressor.

3) Even when I really, really want a position, God's patient faithful hand guides me

• I know this is a very personal application for this Scripture, but it really struck me. There are assurances of the Lord's leading all through this Psalm, but the phrase that lept off of the page for me was v. 4, "Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths." I am not smart enough to know which job position is the one that would glorify the Lord. Even if I had five offers on the board, all with great pay and benefits, I would be utterly incapable of knowing which one would be the best one to take. And so my prayer from this Psalm has become, "Make me to know your ways, O LORD."

4) Sometimes waiting is the open door that the Lord has for me

• This part is the hard part. I'm not good at waiting. Don't judge me--you're not either. If you think you are, I dare you to pray that God would test your ability to wait on Him.
• Let me encourage you and me then. Sometimes walking past all of the closed doors is a very frustrating experience. Nothing seems less productive than identifying a door, walking up to it and turning the knob only to find out that it is locked. But God doesn't waste that time. He is using that time to teach me to wait. He values waiting.
• v. 3, "None who wait for you shall be put to shame."
• v. 5, "Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long."
• I can't clearly tell you what the purpose of this waiting is in my life right now. But I can tell you that God is not wasting this time. He is teaching me to wait.

Let me wrap this up then by giving the latest updates. I still don't have a job. I have a couple of possibilities, but nothing firm yet. I've faced some more closed doors (hopefully with more faith and grace). But the big news is that the house did sell! We signed the contract over the weekend, and we will close on it on or before January 9. This is a huge relief to Cheryl and I, and we are very grateful to the Lord for His wisdom and direction through the selling process. It was clearly Him. Before last week we were facing a lot of rejections on the house because of the roof, even though we had put in the offer sheet that we would replace the roof. A friend here wisely advised me to just replace the roof so that it is a positive instead of a negative. So we did. Literally one hour after the roofer was finished the buyers were inside, and they put an offer on it the next day. Thank God!

One last thing. When I told my Mom that the house sold, her response was, "So now you're homeless and jobless!" Yep. Just the way the Lord planned it.

Soli Deo Gloria!